J.Grant amusing poetry

repeat after me : Macs are Desktop Artworks…they should all come with a “do not touch” sign. sure, we all thought the i-cube was sexy…hell…i know i wanted one. but let’s be honest now.

awe fuck it. who am i kidding. i STILL want a pretty shiney silvery metallicky laptop that will record my guitary goodness.

:(

mope.

WHY TODAY WAS A FUCKIN CUNT:
By nobel prize nominee Dr. Bleh.

Today was predestined to suck. Not just because I had to go into work and earn my keep. Even if my day consisted of sitting around doing nothing in particular except stay awake it would have been quite the suck. Because staying concious IS quite the suck, when you got 2 hours sleep.

Active Fire Prevention Services. Fair enough, the building needs another hose reel. I understand and accept that as the only people in the building blessed with a fire reel, it’ll have to be run from our main. All of this is fine. What I don’t understand is why there is water pissing out all over the floor.

Yes, most of it is going down the drain and no, the stock isn’t very wet and I’m sure the forklift can handle a little water too. But why is it pissing out all over the floor?

Okay fine. Feel free to turn off our water. No, its fine. We’ve got more toilets than employees so I’m sure we can find a full cistern somewhere. Why? Oh. Our landlord is this fuckin crazy 3ft tall russian or gypsy or some shit.

Welding. Most people know fuck all about welding. Give them an electrode and they’ll give you a retard. Tell them about your new crimp fitted cable lugs and they’ll suddenly need to stand somewhere further away. Offer your humble opinion about the best electrode for the all positional (except vertical-down) welding of Cr-Mo and Cr-Mo-V bearing steels (Alloycraft 90-B3’s are good because of their 720 MPa Tensile strength). You get the idea.

Anyway, I am one of those people. I’ve got no fuckin idea what any of that shit means.

But I know one fact and I’d bet you do too. As cool as it may seem, you dont look at the welding arc unless you’ve got a big fuck off helmet on beacuse it fucks your eyes and makes your brain hurt.

But its kind of hard to avoid when you’re working right next to it so you may just have to deal with the headache.

There’s still water dripping from the cieling. Well stop turning the fuckin valve on and weld the goddamn pipe properly. Yes it probably is quite difficult to heat up a copper pipe full of water to the point you can weld it. Maybe you should have thought of that before you filled it with water?

The other warehouse guy isn’t coming in today. This guy wants some shit. This guy didn’t get his shit. The stuff your doing has to go out today and theres another job to follow it. Get to it.

I would have been making alright progress except that the poor pipe they were continuing to burn with the pretty white flame was leaving spatter and flakes of burnt fuck all over everything. So every 10 minutes I had to clean them and replace them. Its kind of hard to work under a drop sheet. Its kind of hard to keep count with tiny little specks of fuckin hot dropping around you.

Nevermind, we’ve just gotten a phone call. That stuff doesn’t have to go out today. Just the one for Suburb X. Theres another job that REALLY needs to go today though and its a biggun.

Well Suburb X was the first one I did. So I finished it about 3 hours ago.

Have you finished butchering that pipe yet? Who the fuck is mark? A fully qualified plumber. Yes he probably will know what to do. Just one little question.. if he’s a fully qualified plumber who knows what to do, what the fuck are you?

Running out of time on this job. How long before the frieght guys here? And how many do we have left to do? Cool, thats heaps of time.

We ran out of shit.

We ran out of shit before we ran out of places to send shit. We had 3 left to do, and they were big ones. We had to find the missing shit. In 15 minutes.

We didn’t. We looked around for an overlooked box. We collected the little budles that had been scattered around. We tore open every single one I’d packed up in the last 5 hours to find that they all had the right quantity in them and there was nothing wrong with them at all apart from the fact that they were not ripped open and strewn about the warehouse.

And the freight guys here. And theres nothing we can give him because no one knows what the fuck has happened.

Somethings on fire. THIS is on fire. No, it wasn’t a bit of cardboard I needed. Just it was only a little fire. Its lucky everythings so wet or it could have been nasty indeed. Good thing I had a little fire extinguisher sitting on the bench for some insane reason because you see… the thing about fire is that it spreads. You know, you set a bit of cardboard on fire, it sets another bit of cardboard on fire.. a few boxes go up.. then a whole shelving row.. before you know it the fires too big for such a pissy little extinguisher. Why, you’d need a firehose to put that one out. We’ve got a firehose. Its just out of commision right now because its being worked on by total fuckin monkeys. Never fear though. We’ve got a pretty good sprinkler system happening. You just run out the back, turn on the valve and water comes spraying out of all the poorly welded joins in the pipe.

I cannot find this missing stock anywhere. But I’ve reassembled the important ones. The far away place ones.

Hi. Can the van which left here about 15 minutes ago come back and pick up some stuff? Its pretty important.. Why not?

So… its time for a drive to the airport. So that I can put the fright on the plane myself.

Then back to work to finish the rest ready for tommorrow, sans the last 3.

Hello, dave speaking. Yeah I was working on it this morning. I got everything out for the course tommorrow. The next one isnt being run for 2 weeks no?

No?

Fuck.

Its been a cunt of a day. And the worst thing about cunts of days like this, is that it spans into multiple cunts of days. When I knocked off the pipe still leaked. Mike wasn’t answering his mobile. 2 jobs which had to go out yesterday arnt finished. The other warehouse guy is very close to getting fired for never showing up.

So in short, please find a way to make me die within the next 7 hours. Cause otherwise I’ve gotta go to work.

HA. I totally can’t believe you read this far. Especially after it stopped being funny or interesting. You’re fuckin dumb.

This is the third time this transit case has nearly cost me my fingers.

Go. Fuck. Yourself.

I’ve been having difficulty getting it published anyway.